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How to overcome resentment and get rid of guilt? The first step is to recognise them.

Guilt (Latin: Culpa) means a hit, a wound; that gives pain, that destroys. Guilt is an impulse that distorts and confuses our nature. It prevents a free, subjective assessment of the facts, and creates a state of insecurity and fear. It makes us feel insignificant and inferior to others. It is an identity crisis. It is accompanied by a lack of self-understanding and self-knowledge. It is as if one accepts that others have the right to demand what they want. It is important to understand that this feeling often stems from environmental stereotypes. For example, the guilt of not spending enough time with my child stems from the stereotype that I must always be with my child. I feel guilty when I don't do it, when I don't do it enough, or when I do it obligated.

Behind resentment is psychological aggression: I want the other person to behave according to my vision. However, each person is autonomous individual and has the free will to make choices, so we cannot demand that he or she behaves according to our perspective.

How do we get out of a state of resentment?

1. Acknowledge to yourself that at that moment when I feel resentment, I am the aggressor, not the victim. This is not easy to do because, most of the time, we think we are very positive and do not in any case recognise that we are being aggressive.

2. Acknowledge to yourself that the other person has the right to behave as they wish.

3. Talk to the person whose behaviour we don't like, not from a position of power, but by inviting them to empathise with the situation, to see it through our eyes. If the other person's behaviour does not change, we should not "fall" into a state of resentment, we should "let the go of the situation".

Recognising feelings of guilt and resentment is essential for well-being and personal development. Understanding the causes and consequences of these feelings and taking responsibility for our own emotional state makes us more aware and psychologically mature.

Excerpt from the Rasa Baltė Balčiūnienė Leadership Training Programme