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How to become a conscious listener?
2023 01 26Can you endure without asking a question or making a comment? Can you not judge when someone else is talking? Do you monitor how your body reacts during a conversation? These are conscious listening skills that help to strengthen body awareness and develop intuition. How to learn it?
It is important to know that there are 4 levels of listening:
Closed. The speaker doesn't need feedback, he just wants to be heard, but the listener doesn't hear him because he has other things on his mind. So the speaker begins to feel that he is speaking in vain. Such a relationship has no value. If you are a listener and you are not interested, change the subject - "switch" the speaker.
Neutrally reflective. The listener actively listens to the speaker, but does not evaluate, does not ask questions, only feels a connection with his/her body. This is a great way to allow the person to talk to him/herself. It is important for the speaker that you do not question them and at the same time you discipline them. That you do not let him drift away from his thoughts: the speaker focuses, and you "hold" that focus. If you start asking questions, replying or giving advice, you are projecting your thoughts and feelings.
Resonant empathy. The listener seeks a common link with the speaker, hears the speaker and follows how his body resonates to certain information. However, if you focus only on the speaker's thoughts that are not in line with your own, you will not hear the body's signals and you will immediately find yourself in listening level 1 - the speaker will talk to himself and you will think to yourself.
If you don't want to find common points of contact with the speaker, go back to Level 2 and don't waste your energy. Allowing the person to talk or looking for a common link with them should be a conscious choice.
Meta level. The listener does not care what the speaker says, how he expresses emotions, what his own body's reaction is - he is trying to understand what is between the lines, where the speaker's attention is directed, what image he sees. There are 3 conditions for the meta-level: focusing on the speaker, not judging (good-bad, right-wrong) and feeling in touch with your body.
Being able to hear without judging is one of the most important skills if you want to use intuition rationally, i.e. to integrate the resonant information you receive through your body into healthy thinking.
Conscious listening is a competency in training. It requires will and discipline.
Excerpt from the leadership training of Rasa Baltė Balčiūnienė









